Expanding your family without leaving your dog behind
Finding Inspiration in Every Turn
Scroll below to read my advice on what to do for your dog during each of the following stages of a growing family:
1. During your pregnancy
2. At the hospital and bringing your baby home
3. The non-moving infant stage
4. The moving baby stage
Pregnancy and your dog
The following is divided into two parts: The first- some awesome information about dogs and pregnancy; and the second- my recommendations as to what you should start to do with your dogs from the moment you know you are pregnant.
Will my dog know I’m pregnant?
So you’re pregnant. Maybe you know you are, maybe you don’t. But I can guarantee who does know: your dog. Women often report that in hindsight they should have realised they were pregnant because their dog started acting differently toward them. Others have reported their dog was the first reason they checked the pregnancy stick; and still others tell funny stories of how they hadn’t yet told their friends, but when they went over to visit, their friend’s dog was all over them, so much that their friend just “had to ask”.
Whatever your story, the answer is clear: it’s likely your dog will know.
How does your dog know?
The science of the matter is: a dog’s hearing and sense of smell are far better than ours. They have the ability to hear a second heart beat (aka your baby’s heartbeat) as well as the ability to smell your hormones shift. Dogs are also keen feelings and emotional sensors, and, if you are anything like I was when I was pregnant- those early weeks when your body is adjusting to all the new hormones, you feel like a truck bound on the highway of emotional wreckage. Your dog will be noticing all of these things. Your dog also picks up a lot on body language and cues. Do you have morning sickness? Are you going for less walks because you’re just so tired? Are you spending time nesting away getting ready for the baby? Don’t worry, I see you, and your dog does too! Now these signs won’t tell them: I’m pregnant, but it will be alerting them to the idea that change is happening.
Will my dog’s behaviour change?
Many people report that when they became pregnant, their dog’s behaviour changed in some unique and observable ways (bear in mind, not all dogs will react in the same way, and some dogs may not change at all).
- Your dogs might feel the need to sniff and rest their head or body against your tummy (this was Ronnie in our house – whenever I sat down he was always on me, particularly as I grew further along).
- They may become protective and guard you a little more. Seeing you as a very precious person who needs their support. (This was Pauley in our house – he would stand in front of me whenever the other dogs were getting too energetic/playing or when people came to the house instead of going and greeting them as he usually would, he would lay down at my feet and expect them to come to him, but he wouldn’t move away from me).
- Some dogs also become really attached to you (even more than usual), they want to stay close. They become alert to your every subtle movement. (This was Murphy in our house).
Other people also report their dogs become more distant, destructive and start exhibiting some not great behaviour changes. This is likely because of those last signs I spoke about earlier (the less frequent walks, more time spent away from them while you organise things etc). If you are noticing these signs in your dog, I’d encourage you each day to spend some intentional time with them so they know they aren’t being shafted.
Will they know when I am about to go into labour?
Many people report their dogs became extra clingy the days/hours leading up to having the baby. It was as if the dog knew something was impending. This may again be because they can smell the hormonal changes that are occurring, or are watching your body language (the awkward pregnancy waddle, the cringe-worthy Braxton hicks etc). In my case, I didn’t notice any signs that would suggest my dogs appeared to know anything about what was coming, but some people do notice signs.
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During the pregnancy stage here are my recommendations for what to start doing with your dog (yes! Even before baby arrives):
1. If your baby is going to have a room (even if it’s your room) where you don’t want the dog/s to go (or simply want that room as an invite only room- aka the dog/s are allowed to enter, but only when you tell them) then start teaching that to your dog now.
2. It’s likely when your baby arrives on the scene that your dog/s won’t have as much free access to you (i.e. when you’re putting your little one to sleep, you probably won’t want the dogs with you). So make sure you start NOW making times when you are home BUT your dog/s can’t get to you. Go into the baby’s future room and stay there for half an hour, then come back out to them. Get them used to the fact that you will disappear during the day, and this isn’t cause for them to bark etc.
3. If your dog/s jump, start teaching them NOW not to.
4. If your dog/s don’t know how to be calm, start teaching them now to be.
5. If your dog/s chew toys, start teaching them now to only choose the toys you give them and not other toys.
6. Research tells us that babies who are read to in the womb benefit from this early communication. During your daily reading sessions to your bump, why not bring your dog/s in and teach them to be calm while you read. This will come in handy later when you are playing/being with your little one on the floor. Your dog/s learn that it’s not a time for excited play.
7. If your dogs have free access everywhere (i.e. couches, beds etc) think about making these spaces invite only (consider for example if you are sitting on the bed with your little one and your dog jumps up – or if you have the cot next to the bed, can the dog/s jump into the cot. You want to establish boundaries before your baby arrives.
8. Think about car travel. If your dog/s usually sits in the backseat, you may need to think about changing where they sit in the car. Again, now is the time to start this.
9. If your dog/s haven’t been around babies and baby noises very much/at all, think about possibly playing baby crying sounds, squealing sounds etc through speakers so your dog/s become used to the sounds.
10. It’s time also to start getting your dog/s used to you being all up and in their space. Teach them that if they don’t like something, the answer is to MOVE AWAY (so if they move away from you in this activity, don’t follow them. We want to teach them that that was a good choice). Put your face on them, touch their tail, their feet, their body. Lay next to them while they sleep on their bed, and while they’re eating. At this stage they need to be very comfortable with you doing all of these things, and later (when your bub is born) you are going to do the same things but holding your bub (You need to stop this as soon as your bub starts comprehending what is going on as you do NOT want your bub to think this is okay behaviour for them to do. The purpose of what you are doing here is solely to desensitise your dog to your baby and to become more aware of what their default behaviour might be if your later-moving child invades their space without your knowing). If your dog reacts negatively to you doing these things (walking away is FINE! But biting, growling, hackles, lip turns etc are NOT) you need to get a behaviour trainer in as a dog that does this is not safe for children to be around. DO NOT PERSIST in these behaviours if your dog shows a negative reaction. All you are wanting to do at this stage is assess your dog's tolerance level - NOT push them beyond that tolerance level. This will allow you to have a better awareness of how your dog might react if your soon to become toddler gets too in their space. AGAIN, IF YOUR DOG DOES SHOW a negative reaction (no matter how mild) aside from moving away, PLEASE REACH OUT TO A DOG TRAINER ASAP.
11. If your dog/s aren’t obedient in a way that you want them to be, it’s now time to look at booking in some obedience lessons.
12. If your dog/s wake throughout the night to go to the toilet/have a drink it’s time to start teaching them to sleep through. Crate training can be useful here (though not a necessity). Otherwise, it’s time to hand that responsibility over to your partner as no way are you going to want to wake multiple times a night with your human child AND with your animals. Stuff that for a joke!
13. Grandparents/aunts/uncles/extended family and anyone who is likely to be involved with your little one, should also do all of the above with their animals as hopefully they might like to baby sit for you once in a while, and you want to be comfortable that their animals are safe for your little one too.
14. Work out a plan for your animals (all of them) for when you go into labour and head to the hospital. Who will look after them while you are away? Think: food, sleeping, shelter, water, etc. Be prepared in case your stay is extended (i.e. you have a C-section, baby needs a stay in the NICU ward, is prem etc).
15. Also, look around and see hazards: Think water bowls as drowning risks. We used to use water buckets for the dogs, but now Thelli is crawling these have been replaced as babies can pull themselves up on them and flop in becoming trapped and drown. Replace any buckets and/or deep water bowls with shallow water bowls. Also think food bowls as choking hazards. We used to feed our dogs inside. Our dogs have been taught to be grazers rather than guzzle guts. So we’d leave the food in the bowl and throughout the day they’d come and eat at their leisure. This isn’t safe for little ones as they will pick up anything and put it in their mouth. For the dogs, eating now occurs outside where Thelli can’t get to any of the food.
16. At some point in your pregnancy you will also be at home more than usual (i.e. usually the last 4-6 weeks of your pregnancy you’ll stop working), make sure during this time (and continued into your maternity leave once your little one is earth-side) that you intentionally set aside time when your dogs do not have access to you. This isn’t specifically for your baby, but this will help with preventing separation anxiety for when you go back to work eventually.
17. Finally, one great way to see if there’s anything else you might need to get your dogs used to before baby is born is to carry around a doll for a few hours a day. This can help you notice behaviours you may need to modify i.e. if your dog/s sit on your lap every time you sit down (you want to change this before baby arrives), jumps on you when you come inside, etc etc.
The reason you want to do these things before baby arrives is not only because you’ll have so little time, be sleep deprived, and possibly be quite overwhelmed once baby is here, but more so, so as your dogs don’t associate all these changes with the baby! We want them to regard the baby with love, rather than having them look at the baby with annoyance thinking “when you arrived, my life turned to crap.”
Coming home from hospital and your dog/s
~Thelli meets the boys~
In this video you're seeing the moment my 3 dogs (Murphy - 4 year old Peruvian Hairless; Ronnie - 11 month old Peruvian Hairless; and Pauley - 5 year old Standard Poodle) meet Thelli - our 5 day old newborn child. Read on for my explanation of what you're seeing and the thought process behind it.
AT THE HOSPITAL – GIFT TIME.
First off, although this is the first time they've met, this isn't where our journey started. Let's rewind to 8 days earlier... the day I went into labour. On this day I purposely chose a t-shirt to wear into labour that was old. I then laboured in this t-shirt and when Thelli was born I held her in it. This t-shirt was therefore now covered in our scent. The next day my husband, Zeke, took the t-shirt home and gave it to the dogs. They sniffed it, and dragged it off to their bed and slept on it that night (by their choice).
Meanwhile, back at the hospital I had now wrapped Thelli in a cheap blanket. She spent all of day 2 in this blanket. The next day, Zeke took this blanket to the dogs as well. And back at the hospital- you guessed it, I was preparing another gift for the dogs: I had dressed Thelli in a singlet. The next day Zeke took this singlet home to the dogs. And so the pattern continued. Each day we were in hospital, Zeke would bring something back to the dogs that had both of our scent on it. This helped the boys become familiar with Thelli and pairing her to me, even before they met her face to face. All in all, the dogs received:
My labour t-shirt;
Thelli's first blanket;
Thelli's singlet;
And
A dog toy I had purchased which alternated between Thelli's bassinet and my bed from day 1 and was given to the dogs the morning we arrived home.
COMING HOME – YOU FIRST.
Jump now to the day we brought Thelli home. But before I get there, let me explain something: my dogs are my other children. They live in our home; go most places with me; are included in my work (as therapy dogs in my classroom); and are very, very much loved. As a result, it was important that before meeting Thelli and I, they would need to first just get to see and interact with me as they had been missing me (and I them!).. As a result, when we arrived home, Zeke stayed outside with Thelli while I went in with the dogs. As expected, they were very, very excited. It was important in this space that Thelli not be there as the dogs needed to be able to have their time with me. The excited energy of seeing you for the first time in several days is not the energy you want when introducing your newborn- so let them have that moment just with you, and then share the moment with your newborn.
COMING HOME – NOW THE BABY.
Once the dogs had calmed down and had shared their love and excitement for me, it was now time to bring in Thelli. My mum did this (she had been staying in the house baby sitting the dogs while I was in hospital and therefore was a neutral presence, one which the dogs were not excited to see as she wasn't novel). Mum went and got Thelli from Zeke (it was better for mum to do this rather than Zeke, as Zeke would have still been novel to the dogs as they hadn't yet seen him today). Meanwhile I put the dogs in our spare bedroom, with a bed (more on this later). Mum brought Thelli inside and gave her to me. I took Thelli into the room with the dogs. I then allowed them to sniff Thelli and check her out. I showed her to each of the dogs, and I encouraged their interactions with her. If they didn’t want to interact with her, I gently coaxed them forward. If they were too boisterous, I changed my body position to shield her (although, seeing as they will have already met you and got all their joy out, it’s unlikely that they’ll be too over the top during this time). This is what you can see in the video.
A NOTE ON THE LOCATION OF THEIR FIRST MEETING –
I purposely chose to have the dogs meet Thelli in the bedroom. The reason for this was three-fold:
1 - It was more confined, thus easier to control;
2 - It was easier to bring Thelli into the space in our time and with control;
3- The bed allowed the dogs to have height so they could see her without me having to bend down. Bending down creates an atmosphere shift in the eyes of a dog (it's the posture of play, rather than calm). Bending down also isn't great after a c-section, it also loses a bit of your control as you lose mobility.
THE NEXT FEW WEEKS –
Those early weeks are going to be crucial for how your dogs grow and interact with your new little one.
So these are some things to think about:
1. Make sure you include them in everything. Breastfeeding/bottle feeding= let them be around you; Snuggle time = let them be around you; Baby crying = let them be around you while you soothe them; nappy changing= let them be around you; walking = let them come. The key is: INCLUSION.
2. Don’t shaft them. This is similar to the first. Don’t put them outside because it’s too hard, you don’t have time, etc. If your dog is going to get used to how to be around your little one (i.e. not stepping on them, not being too rough around them etc) it will be FAR EASIER to teach this when your little one can’t move yet! Trying to teach your dogs to be okay with your little one when they are crawling after them will be far more difficult.
3. If anything, increase your time with them. Show them that actually this new addition in the house is a good thing – it means more walks, more lazing around time, more home time with Mum. Research shows that getting out of the house is good for your mental health and your baby’s physical development (think fresh air, stimulation etc). When you take your bub for a walk, hook up your dog’s lead and take them to. In our house, if anything, the dogs got more interaction with me than they usually would (which was already high). I breastfed with them all around me; I sat on the couch with them and Thelli; I took them for a bazillion walks a day (Thelli was a crier. Sometimes the only way to stop her crying was to put her in the carrier and go for a walk around the block. The dogs always came).
4. Get your dogs used to being touched by your little one. Extend your little one’s hand and let your child pat them. Teach the dogs early on that touch from your little one is safe.
5. Teach your dogs that your little one is an extension of you. All those things you did when you were pregnant (laying near/on them when they were sleeping i.e. your head on them; hands in their food; touching their toes etc) it’s now time to repeat this, this time while you hold your little one. You want them to see that your little one also gets to invade their space, and their only option is to move away if they are uncomfortable. Later you are going to teach your little one not to do these things, but while your little one is still young and not going to remember what you’re doing, it’s important the dogs learn that they are to be tolerated in all settings.
6. As much as you are spending your time with them with the baby, it’s also important (even if it’s just 5 minutes a day) to spend time with them without your baby. This way they know that you are still there for them.
In these ways it's important your dogs come to see your love and affection toward them hasn't lessened because of the "thing" you've brought home, rather they see your baby as enhancing their life.
Summary and general principals:
And that's that. If you would like a summary of my recommendations for how to introduce your dogs to your newborn, and to integrate them successfully in those early few weeks, here it is:
1: While in the hospital take gifts home each day that have yours and your baby's scent on them (think: your labour top; a blanket/clothing that your baby has been wrapped in; a toy which you and baby have slept with).
2: Meet your dogs without the baby first. Let them love on you.
3: Choose your location wisely. A room with raised furniture is handy so you don't have to bend down and the dogs can still see and sniff the baby.
4: Let the dogs sniff the baby. Praise them for their interactions. Don’t force them if they are scared. Go at their pace.
5: Don't forget your dog. Each day be intentional about spending time with them.
The first few months; a pre-moving baby.
THE “EASIEST” TIME FOR COEXISTING
Let’s be real, there’s no “easy” period for anything when you’re a parent. With the decision to have a child, life just became a lot harder (richer too, but harder also!) You may be struggling with coming to terms with being a parent, having a child co-depend on you, working out what ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ really means when there’s still the cooking, cleaning and everything else to be done; how to get out of the house with a child that doesn’t sleep anywhere else but their space, and the list goes on. So while this time period is the ‘easiest’ for coexisting with dogs and baby, I realise for many, it’s also occurring within a very difficult time, and therefore shouldn’t be considered ‘easy’. If this is your experience, be kind to yourself. Maybe instead of expecting the dogs and your baby to coexist most of the day as the ideal, start with 5 minutes during each wake window and then build as your mental space allows.
With all of that said, during this period is a great time to really familiarise your dogs with your baby, the reason why: Because your baby can't move yet. Which makes the supervision process a lot easier as you're only need to take stock of one side (the dog).
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As a result here are a few things we did with Thelli, and that I'd recommend people with non-moving babies do from the word go:
1. When you place your baby on the floor, try not to always shield your baby with a baby pen from your dog. If you don’t have voice control of your dog, and they are quite boisterous, then try putting them on a lead to ensure they don’t step on the baby. But essentially, allowing your baby and dogs to share floor space in a calm environment, is important early on. This way, your dogs learn to be mindful of your baby, rather than just running rampant through your house and accidentally knocking or standing on them. They will only learn this if you give them the ability to learn this. If you are always separating the two with a play pen or room divider, your dogs won’t learn, and when your baby is too old to be contained, you’ll end up putting your dogs outside as they’re too “over the top” for your little one.
Brief story to highlight this point: I remember when Thelli first started crawling. She was coming out of her room into the hall way at the same time Ronnie had just been let in and was racing down the hall way. I saw it too late to intervene. Ronnie spotted Thelli at the last minute and flew over her, running into the wall in order to avoid hitting her. Even now that she's movng a lot, the dogs have never hit her or stood on her even though we have 3 dogs and they often play around her. Because they've grown up sharing the same floor space, they've learnt to be careful and considerate.
2. Go for walks with your dog and the baby. When your baby is old enough to hold things, try giving the baby part of the lead (obviously you hold the end of the lead and are actually in control, but it can be nice for your baby as they grow to just automatically know how to walk your dog “without needing to be taught” – in reality they have been taught, but it's been at such an early age that it seems to them as if they just “always knew”.
3. Give the baby the dog’s ball and have them roll the ball (likely with a lot of help from you at this stage) to the dog. Even if your baby cannot actually roll the ball to your dog, this game starts the process in your dog’s mind that not only is the baby here, but actually, the baby can actively contribute to my life by bringing me fun.
4. While your baby is young and not moving, put them near your dog (with you!) while your dog is sleeping, on their bed, and eating. You may be horrified by this, but consider: when your child is moving later there will be a period of time when they have more movement skills than sense. So while you can tell a 1 year old not to touch your dog while they're sleeping, you can't guarantee they won't, and you can't guarantee you'll see every interaction between dog and child. So, while your baby is little (little enough not to remember being placed near the dog's food bowl on purpose) teach your dogs that your little one is to be tolerated in all settings, and the only correct choice for them is to move away if your baby is annoying them. When your baby is old enough to start to remember how to interact with your dog (ie, for Thelli this was about 4-5 months), stop doing this because you now want to teach your baby consistently and often the rules around your dog (ie don't touch their food, don't pat them when they're on their bed etc). If your dog shows any negative reaction to your child (aside from moving away) please get a dog trainer in as soon as you can to help you change this situation.
5. When baby starts solids this is a great opportunity to set up some boundaries for your dog, while also providing a chance for their relationship to build even more. While your little one is eating, food is likely to go everywhere (especially if you do baby led weaning like we do). During this time your dogs should be taught not to approach, but when baby is finished and the food they've eaten isn't toxic to dogs (be sure to check this, as many foods your baby eats dogs should not eat ie avocado), let your dogs come and eat baby's left overs from the floor (so long as your dog doesn't have any allergies, isn’t overweight, the food is healthy for them and isn’t too much etc). If your dogs have watched baby eat, they are likely to associate the food with the idea that baby has given it to them, thus increasing their likeability to your child.
6. Each day set aside time to take your baby’s hands and pat/touch your dog.
7. Talk to your baby about your dog – their name, what they like, and always narrate what your dog’s body language is showing. Later, your baby will understand “oh, Pauley just licked his lips, he didn’t like what I just did. I wont do that again.” But they’ll only understand if you convey and teach that to them, clearly, consistently, and often.
Including your dogs in all of these activities will do three main things:
a) Let them know they're still loved, and baby is not to be jealous of;
b) Help them progress with baby as baby moves ie if your dog has been with you every day, they'll have seen your baby learning to crawl so they'll get used to a moving baby without you having to teach them not to jump on them etc;
c) Increase the bond between baby and dog, and dog and baby.
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There are times however, when you want to separate your dog from your baby, these include:
1. Naps and bedtime. It may be cute to see your dog sleeping under the baby’s cot, however, it’s generally not considered a good idea. If your dog has the ability to jump into the cot (even if they’ve never done it before) it only takes once to injure your child. Even if they can’t get to the baby, when your baby grows, at some point your child will be able to get out of their own cot which will leave a period of time where your dog and your child are together without you being present (even if this period of time is as shot as you getting to their room from the loungeroom once you realise they are awake). See point 3 below why this isn't a good idea even for the best dogs.
2. Eating time. It’s best not to set up a habit of the dogs being able to eat your baby’s food out of their hands or while they’re eating. So separating them out during this time can be a good thing.
3. Any time when for any reason you are not present with your child, even for a few seconds. It is best not to leave your dog unattended with your baby. If your child is at an age when they can move, they can unwittingly hurt or threaten your dog (i.e. crawling toward your dog and grabbing their tail). The dog may try to get away but because the baby continues to come at them, and you are not there to protect your dog, either the dog will get hurt, develop a fear-memory of your child, or may even push back against your child. If your child can’t crawl yet, your dog still shouldn’t be left alone unsupervised with your child as they may accidentally step on them etc.
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So hands down, if you are going to have a dog that gets along well with your child/ren it is important that from the start they are included with them. In the pre-moving baby stage, this is the easiest time you’re going to have with your dogs and your baby coexisting as you only have to watch one of the two parties (your baby is likely to just be in your arms, so you just need to watch the dog’s side of the interaction). Later you’ll be needing to watch two parties in the interaction (your dog and your child as your child will have autonomy and be able to move, poke, hit, crawl and chase your dog – obviously I am not condoning these behaviours, I am merely stating your child will be physically able to do them).
As a result, this pre-moving stage is the ideal stage to start that familiarisation with your dog as the dog will not feel threatened as your child can’t chase them, pull them, move toward them, etc. Instead, it’s a time where your dogs can learn all about babies (their noises, sounds, smells, patterns, crying, and feel) without any concern for their own bodies.
A Moving Baby and Your Dog
And now here we are: Your baby is on the move, whether crawling or walking or running.
This is where all your prior hard work is seen. Because you've had your dogs with your bub from day dot they have progressed with bub- they've seen the rolling, crawling, the furniture walking, the first wobbly steps; and they've learnt with your bub how to be careful and not bowl them over.
Because you've included them, your baby isn't afraid when they come running into the room, press up for cuddles, or bark at a noise.
Because they've not been shafted outside, they feel happiness and not resentment toward bub, have learnt to share space, to move away if uncomfortable, and that the baby brings joy not isolation.
It's now time to build on this foundation and enter the world of a moving child. (SIDE NOTE: If your dog hasn't learnt these things yet, because you didn't know how, or didn't have the energy to include them - no judgement- just go back to my prior posts and start working on each stage now - it doesn't matter that your baby is out of that earlier stage, the actions can be started now).
So let's jump into my suggestions of things to do to ensure a harmonious relationship between baby and dogs now that your child is moving:
1. SUPERVISE- It doesn't matter how good your dogs are with your little one, trust doesn't replace supervision. Your little one isn't fully trustworthy (no matter their age) and may inadvertently make your dog feel uncomfortable. They won't have the complete sense yet to notice your dogs signs, and without you there to intervene this can be a problem. Not only if your dog bites (pretty extreme case), but even just the negative association that can form in you dog's mind toward the baby (ie because you arent there to stop it, the dog starts to associate baby with tail pulling/poking/crawling on etc all of which are not pleasant for your dog). If you're like me, you love your dogs. So it's not just about preventing the worst case scenario, it's about making sure that all parties in your house feel safe and happy.
2. THINK BEYOND THE ACTUAL DOG - Safety for your moving bub includes more than just ensuring they are safe around your dog. It also includes ensuring they are safe around your dog's stuff. Water buckets are dangerous as your baby can topple in and get stuck; food bowls with food left in them are dangerous as they provide a choking risk; dog toys, poo places, beds and other accessories provide places for germs. Putting these places (as far as possible) out of your baby's reach is a good idea, especially as in the early stages everything goes in their mouth!
3. REINFORCE OFTEN - Always narrate your dog's body language to your baby. I.e. if when they are patting your dog, your dog rolls over you can say "oh look at that, Thelli, Pauley rolled over. That means he wants more." Or if your dog moved away you would say, "Thelli did you see how Murphy moved away when you tried to pat him like that? He doesn't like it. We need to let him have his space now." You can also provide an alternative, "Ronnie doesn't like it when you reach at him, what about you come and sit on my lap and wait for Ronnie to come over to you."
4. LEARN BODY LANGUAGE- Be sure to teach your little one (even if you don't think they're "understanding" yet) the signs that are showing you your dog doesn't like something. This includes any yawning, lip licking, turning of the head away, a lot of white around the eye, hard stares, growling, stiffness, or moving away. It doesn't matter if your dog is tolerating the action, if any of these behaviours accompany your child's interaction, you need to let your child know, "Pauley doesn't feel very comfortable when you just did that, did you see how he yawned? Let's give him some space/let's pat him more gently/let's x,y,z". Too often I see people post videos or photos of their children with their dog- hugging them, sitting with them, crawling on them, and the caption goes "I love how my dogs and my kids get along so well." Meanwhile the picture shows a different story. The dog is yawning, licking their lips, eyes looking up with a lot of white showing etc. Please do your dog a favour and learn dog body language. It's not enough for your dog not to bite, we want them to enjoy their interactions with your baby not just tolerate it. (Remember in the early stage with a pre-moving baby you want to put your baby in those situations ie on their bed etc to teach your dog - if you don't like something the only answer is to move. This was so as during this stage when your baby has more movement ability than sense you have tried as best you can to ensure your dog knows what to do when bub encroaches on their space).
5. SUPERVISE INTERACTIONS AND BE YOUR DOG'S ADVOCATE- Don't let a baby develop bad habits like crawling over your dog, sitting on them, riding them, hitting them (instead of patting), pulling their tails, poking them, etc. Step in and teach your baby, "Thelli, no we don't crawl over the dogs to get where we want, we go around the dogs," and physically move your baby around them rather than allowing the behavior they were doing.
6. SUPERVISE INTERACTIONS AND BE YOUR BABY'S ADVOCATE- Don't let your dogs do things your baby doesn't like either. If your baby doesn't like it when the dogs play near them, teach the dogs to play away from them; if your baby doesn't like it when they nuzzle in for a pat, teach them to sit. If they are becoming too excited, teach them to be calm. If they stop being aware of baby, reinforce the behaviours you want.
7. TEACH YOUR BABY HOW TO CONTROL YOUR DOGS - Clearly if your baby is little, they won't be able to do this without your help or even at all. It doesn't matter. Teach them anyway. We do a disservice to our little ones if we treat them as though they don't understand us. Talk to them, let them see you training the dogs, give them opportunities to do so too. Thelli is 11 months old. I teach my dogs through tones. Thelli hears and sees it all day every day. Already she offers her rendition of tones toward them which I encourage and enforce for her. As she gets older these tones will become less accidental and more intentional and considered because I've continually modelled them to her and helped her learn how to use them.
8. TEACH YOUR BABY TO PLAY FETCH - Thelli is 11 months old. She plays fetch with all of the dogs. Rolling the ball for them they'll pick it up (the ball currently doesn't roll far) and drop it back to her. This builds relationship between dog and baby, baby and dog.
8. MAKE INTERACTIONS FUN- Continue to take the dogs for walks with baby, play fetch, give belly rubs, etc. We are building your bub's love for their furry siblings, and your dogs' love for their two legged friend.
And this is where I'll stop this series as I've reached the end of our experience. As Thelli gets older I'll revisit and add more tips and advice for the stages we are in. Suffice to say, as she gets older I will continue to include the dogs in all things we do together, and continue to teach her how to use her tones to communicate with them also. My hope is by time she is two they'll listen to her in the same way they listen to me... so watch this space, people. Written March 2023. Update coming.